As a new weekly feature, I’ll give you five places where some of the big and highly anticipated games suck. Yes, suck. But don’t take it too seriously, as we’d feel horrible if you start crying because we just bashed your favorite game. No really, don’t take it too seriously.

According to some, Halo 3 is the biggest game launch in history, but it’s by far the best game. Actually, Halo 3 might be one of the least innovative and “groundbreaking” games this holiday season. Although it might just be the best thing ever, if you have never, ever, played a first person shooter before. Here are five places where the game fails to live up to the massive hype Microsoft spent millions creating.

1: The graphics are nothing to brag about
Microsoft has always marketed their Xbox 360 as a next gen powerhouse, and Halo 3 as the best looking game around. But truth is, it looks nowhere near other games, games like Gears of War, which were out a full year before Halo 3. Besides the HDR lightning, the rest of the game is pretty Halo 2.5-ish, with trees and foliage looking horrible, low and sometimes no anti-aliasing at all, and it gets worse in multiplayer. It surely could have been better. Oh, and it runs in 640p, not 720p.

2: Halo 3 enemies are just too lame, sometimes childish
The enemies in Halo 3 are pretty lame, some are just ridiculous, like those small cute ones running around speaking in a funny voice. Apparently the player is supposed to cuddle with them right before blowing their brains out, or them blowing your brains out, with their tiny little guns. How cute.

3: The AI is on par with a retarded lab rat
Throughout most of the singleplayer campaign, you’re followed by an AI controlled alien and other soldiers who are supposed to help you. They don’t. Most of the time, they’re actaully dead. But because of that, you don’t have to deal with them stuck in a corner somewhere, repeating the same line of dialogue over and over again. Or they’ll just freeze up in the middle of combat, but that doesn’t matter, because sometimes the enemy freezes up in combat too. Like they’re all taking a nap. How convenient.

4: Story is no better than any other videogame
In Halo (1+2+3), you play the hero who is set to save the world from evil invading aliens… where did I hear that before? Oh, yeah, in hundreds of other games, movies, books etc. Halo 3 is nothing but the videogame version of a typical Hollywood movie “blockbuster”. Meaning cheap story, poor acting, horrible directing, but lots and lots of action. Halo 3 brings nothing new to the table, same way Spider-Man 3 brought nothing new – It’s all the same, just with a “3″ at the end and a bigger marketing budget.

5: You’re owned by kids in multiplayer
Log on to a multiplayer session of Halo 3 and you’ll find out that it’s pretty much like Halo 2, for better and worse. Even though it manages to deliver some fun matches, a ton of them are ruined by little boys who’s only accomplishment in life is to talk smack to people they just “owned” in Halo. But notice how they never smack talk (or yell) too loud, because mommy might hear them say the forbidden words, and that means no more Halo, which is of course worse than death for these kids.

Tune in next week where I’ll have 5 places where Enemy Territory: Quake Wars sucks.