Congratulate me, kids, because I may have found the single most pointless new game on Kongregate, a little title called Do You Fell Lucky today ????.

I swear that is a total quote.

From the sheer number of misspellings and grammatical manglings in this game I’m forced to wonder if the creator speaks English as his or her first language.  But anyway, the game play is shockingly simple–first you decide whether or not you feel lucky today, and select yes or no depending.  Ironically, it makes little difference, as you’ll then go into the next stage of a game, confronted with what seems to be a flipping coin with the legends “Yeah! You won” and “You loose” on either side.  And yes, that “you loose” is actually how it’s spelled.  If you manage to lose, which from my attempts is pretty much done by saying that you DON’T feel lucky in the beginning, you get nothing.  Winning, meanwhile gives you “lucky points” which are redeemable for absolutely nothing except a general good feeling.

Just for more fun, here are some of the end messages you get after clicking that you DON’T feel lucky.  Warning to all grammar nazis in the audience, stop reading these immediately and seek medical attention if your head at any time feels about to explode:

“Is any problem with you ? stop thinking that you don’t fell lucky”

“She or he don’t like you …. (Push YES and she or he will start to like)”

“I guess you rated 1/5 …. go back and push YES, this will make you change your rate and humour”

“Stop pushing NO, go to get some good vibes clicking on the YES button”

I’m sorry, but did you just tell me my bad luck is my OWN fault?  Because I’m not FEELING lucky?  Because I didn’t rate you sufficiently highly on an arbitrary five scale?  Oh, but this is not where the poorly worded fun ends, kids–check out what happens when you actually manage to win a game, done literally every time by clicking that fabled “yes” button:

Congratulations!!  You had won 10 lucky points to have an awesome day here on Kongregate, to use it you just need to say “I will use xxx lucky points now to help me do xxx” just before you do the xxx.  Here are some examples: To earn that impossible badge that is taking all the time of your life.  To think in something good to say to the pretty girl that just came in to the chat.  To crush your kongai challenger with only intercepts.  To avoid clicking in fu**** non-games of non-senses. To have a better life. To win in the lottery. To realize that this game really works, so it deserve a 5/5 And remember to use your points wisely, but when you use all, just come here an play again!! : )

If by “fu**** non-games of non-senses”, you mean this ridiculous crap you’ve wasted perfectly good bandwidth on, then man, I wish I’d had your lucky points in advance so as not to have wasted time on this.  And how many lucky points does it take to send you a DICTIONARY so that you can see just how horrifying a crime against the language you’ve committed here today?

I echo the sentiments left in the comments section of this.  I too want those twenty seconds of my life back.  Except I didn’t spend twenty seconds on this—I played the game ten times total, five times either way so I could prove the rigging.  And I tell you this—I want all that time back.  This game is easily the most pointless thing I’ve played in MONTHS.

In light of the recent school shooting in Germany politicians and law enforcement officials have been pushing for measures to prevent future tragedies. Unfortunately as often happens in the wake of incidents such as these those in power are devoting their efforts more towards punishing those easily blamed for the problem including the film and gaming industries.

The Harvard Crimson has published an editorial urging the officials to focus their efforts in a more positive direction instead of simply scapegoating those who had nothing to do with it. They remind everyone that even though studies show a correlation between aggression and video game playing that doesn’t give any proof that there is a cause-effect relationship between the two as well as the massive numbers of other variables involved.

They instead suggest that more effort should be put towards ensuring that guns are less likely to fall into the hands of youths. Recently Germany had tightened their gun control laws, but this event shows that the controls might not be strict enough.

 
The first episode of Telltale’s new episodic adventure game Wallace and Gromit’s Grand Adventures, based on the claymation duo, has gone online.

Dubbed Fright of the Bumblebees, the episode offers – among other things – wacky schemes, giant bees and garden gnomes.

To entice gamers into buying it, Telltale is offering a 50% discount on everything else from its store in your order. If you haven’t decided on making the jump yet, there’s always the demo to play.

The next three episodes will be released monthly to subscribers. It is expected to hit Xbox Live Arcade this spring.

Going out on a limb, Double Fine programmer Klint Honeychurch has created an adventure game based around company founder Tim Schafer’s hosting gig at the upcoming IGF/GDC Choice Awards.

Dubbed Host Master and the Conquest of Humor, the game is centered around Schafer’s inability to think of jokes for the event. The fully-playable game was made in the style of classic adventure games, featuring a point-and-click interface and floating text.

Schafer’s real event will be held on Wednesday at 6.30pm PST.

DRM has been the gamer’s bane for a long time – those who pirate quite obviously face difficulties, and even those who don’t face severe problems.

2D Boy co-founder and World of Goo co-creator Ron Caramel believes that utilizing digital rights management as a means to prevent piracy is a “waste of time” and developers just “end up giving the DRM provider money.”

“Anything that is of interest gets cracked, and the cracked version ends up having a better user experience than the legit version because you don’t have to input in some 32-character serial number,” he quite simply stated.

DRM doesn’t exactly pose a threat to pirates anymore, seeing as how games are cracked and available on P2P sites within hours of release.

"We don’t see the point in having DRM," he added. "Anybody who wants the game is likely to find it on BitTorrent sites. It’s going to get cracked even with DRM, it’s going to be available very quickly."

Hoping to bring their hard work to a wider audience, Harmonix today announced Rock Band Track Pack: Classic Rock, a standalone package that offers 20 formerly download-only songs in a $29.99 retail release.

Set for release on May 19 on PS2, PS3, Xbox 360 and Wii, the game will feature the following songs:

• Boston – "Peace of Mind"
• Boston – "Rock and Roll Band"
• Dead Kennedys – "California Uber Alles"
• Dead Kennedys – "Holiday in Cambodia"
• Free – "All Right Now"
• George Thorogood & the Destroyers – "Bad to the Bone"
• James Gang Funk – "#49"
• Jethro Tull – "Hymn 43"
• Lenny Kravitz – "Let Love Rule"
• Pat Benatar – "Hit Me With Your Best Shot"
• The Police – "Can’t Stand Losing You"
• The Police – "Truth Hits Everybody"
• Rush – "Closer to the Heart"
• Rush – "Red Barchetta"
• Siouxsie and The Banshees – "Kiss Them For Me"
• Steve Miller Band – "Take the Money and Run"
• Steve Miller Band – "The Joker"
• The Stone Roses – "Love Spreads"
• The Who – "Baba O’Riley"
• The Who – "Behind Blue Eyes"

PS3 and Xbox 360 users can export the included tracks for use in Rock Band and its sequel via online connectivity.

A new patch for Skate 2 was released today for PS3 and Xbox 360 versions of the game, offering several tweaks and fixes for the open-world skater.

PS3 users get custom soundtracks, while both versions get better off-board controls, a more streamlined approach towards retrying a challenge and the squashing of several bugs.

The patch will be delivered once players sign-in online using the game. Full details can be found here.

Part of the reason the Wii sells so well is its low price tag. This makes it especially popular for countries where luxuries such as electronics are far more expensive. At the Game Developers Conference Qualcomm unveiled their own console offering that they hope will be able to corner the market on games in Brazil, Russia, India and China.

It’s called the Zeebo and it launches in Brazil in Early May/June 2009. The system is powered by Mobile chips so you can’t expect anything up to modern standards, but what the console lacks in processing power it makes up for in the sheer number of games. The console will have substantial third party support with over six hundred games being bundled in along with the inexpensive system, retailing at $199. There will be more games available via download, with thirty available at the launch and more to come.

The appeal they hope is that the cost of their games is very little more than the cost of pirated titles. Unfortunately outdated titles like Tekken 2, Quake (yes the original) and others aren’t very likely to beat out the appeal of shinier, flashier modern titles.

Unfortunately for anyone who was excited about exploring the ruins of Pittsburg tonight Bethesda has had to pull the English version of the newest Fallout 3 DLC pack from Xbox Live. The report says that the file which was posted was corrupted in some way and Bethesda is investigating, with a promise of a fixed file as soon as the issue can be sorted out.

Thus far there’s no specific details regarding what caused the problem or the time frame in which we can expect to have a new file for download, but I’m sure Bethesda will have the information posted on their site as soon as possible.

In an increasingly wired society console companies are realizing that it’s not enough to offer great games. Microsoft scored a big victory by getting a partnership with Netflix, allowing subscribers to stream many of their favorite films and TV shows. There are several methods to stream shows but thus far the Xbox 360 is the only gaming platform that allows you to do so.

A recent Netflix survey suggests that all this may be about to change. It asks users what their thoughts would be regarding a similar option for the Wii. The survey also hints that such an option would be possible by a one-time purchase of a disc that would have to be put into the Wii any time an owner wanted to watch something. This would have the low price of $2.99 and would ultimately prove cheaper than the Xbox option since you wouldn’t have to pay the subscription fees for an Xbox Live gold membership.

Of course such a survey is far from a guarantee that the service will be made available and even if it is, there’s no telling when it’ll be available.